Today You Blink

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Eye Blue - Photo by Daniil Avilov on Unsplash
Eye Blue - Photo by Daniil Avilov on Unsplash

It won’t blink, staring at me. All bright, blue and sarcastic.

Lifeless, yet it speaks, no, yells at me with obscenities from the darkest place within a human mind. It’s telling me how I don’t belong here, it’s screaming how it just won’t make a difference.

No matter how logically I am able to think, my mind and body is on lock down. I’m unable to get passed the lingering notion of ears not listening, or worse, ears that listen to an unintentional message. A message that sparks outrage and more sarcastic remarks due to the fears of the listeners own mind, and it gets taken out on me.

Still yelling. But the voice sounds familiar, loud but echoing with such resonance that I feel as though my world is beginning to disintegrate at the molecular seams, a sort of dissolving effect where the pain of it can only be felt emotionally and not physically. A pain from the recognition that if it all dissolves completely, it may not come back at all.

It’s my own voice. It’s using my own voice against me!

It is still staring at me, the “no blink” competition that it has won every time I’ve competed against it in the past few days.

Not today.

Today, it is definitely going to blink. Because I’m going to fucking click on it. Today, that “Publish” button doesn’t stand a chance.